It has been a while....

Well, it has been awhile since i post smt and since i need to let it out somewhere i figured..here. Haih many things has been happening the past few months i mean like wth is goin on with me ive been goin bad to worst...and i only realised this when i was talking to waikim ytd and it made me realise that ive gone from bad...to worst... although when i ask other people's opinion they usually wud say no or not reli but..somehow i don think thats how they feel well i have no one to blame but me i should not have started a relationship when i was form 2 it was a total mistake that i...well its passed now and there is nothing i can do . Now i have to say im going through such a hard time now i understand when people seem happy when they are sad ..they just don wanna others to worry much well celine if ure really reading this im sorry but at that time was not a good time to tell anything in later part of this post you would understand why. Haih.......few months ago She talked to me about her leaving and i felt sad that she had to leave to Aussie but somehow i feel happy for her that she might live a better life there compared to here...haha this might seem confusing to some of yall but this is just how it is. Last week was her last week at school and i felt useless when i cant make her last of her days here happy enough to leave a good memory, ive been stuck with school activities and such that i neglect her i mean HOW IN HEAVENS I WOULD DO THAT???!!! haih......... something is really going wrong with me i just don't know what, she sacrifice more than i did for her if its that then how to say that i am her boyfriend how am i to prove im worthy of her or being someones boyfriend at all? HOW HOW?? im just too disappointed in myself. I could not even balance my time to spend with her and my studies is really going down the drain i mean what am i suppose to do??? WHAT?! Well anyways on the last day of school she stayed back and i still could not think of a way to make her day happy.....all these while she has been making me happy instead of me making her happy she has done soo much even now she tries her hardest to just even to talk to me and im just sitting ducks waiting, sitting by the sidelines helplessly everyday i would pray she would be happy and we both would meet each other again but that dream is just too far to reach..i promised her that one day i would visit Aussie i don't know why id even do that i could not even make sure that i would visit there one day...im penniless now and the future is tooo uncertain... well i will stop for now i will..continue some other time..